Tag Archives: tony blair

Buildaburger Conference 21st November 2014 – Costapacket (my other limo is a tank)


In the UK, we have a tradition amongst the older generation or giving our houses slightly cynical puns such as Costaplenty or Dunroamin’. I have inherited the more cynical humour of my Grandfather who used to joke about calling his mortgaged home Halifax House. There is a large, private house near where I grew up called Nirvana and there is a Soviet-era missile launcher in the garden.


You might have noticed that I have a deeply cynical but fertile imagination, but even I don’t know what to make of that.

Anyway, yesterday I drove to Newcastle to work an event and promised myself a break on the way for a refreshing beverage.

Foolishly, I had decided against buying a bag of crisps to go with my homemade sandwiches when I had refuelled my car in the Cooperative garage the previous night. At the time I thought 85p was excessive for a bag of deep-fried potato slices, even if they are ridge-cut and generously seasoned. Silly me, I still wanted a packet after three hours driving and was left at Washington Services with Hobson’s Choice.

Whereas I do not object to paying a little extra for the convenience of not having to leave the motorway, £3.35 for a medium latté and £1.20 for a bag of McCoy’s is just taking the piss.

On a long journey such as this, I often listen to BBC Radio 4 despite my reservations about their right-wing bias, and yesterday one of the news items was about how Tony Blair has just been given a Global Legacy Award by the UK charity Save The Children.

This kind of Double-Think would not seem out of place in George Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four”. Henry Kissinger authorises the carpet-bombing of Cambodia, which in turn leads to the radicalisation of Cambodians, the rise of the Khmer Rouge and ultimately two million corpses in crowded corners of foreign killing fields, that will be forever Kampuchea.

And he gets the Nobel Peace Prize.

US President Barack Obama similarly sanctions the indiscriminate and distant bombing of Jihadi Johnny Foreigner.

And he gets the Nobel Peace Prize.

Tony Blair, in cahoots with the United States government, either through design, or negligence, or maybe just sheer incompetence, contributes to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians, including tens of thousands of children.

And he gets the Save The Children Global Legacy Award.

To be fair on Save the Children, he certainly has established a global legacy, but I think it’s justified to assume that they consider the award an affirmation. He was also awarded “Philanthropist of the Year” by GQ magazine, but that’s just an upmarket Daily Mail so it doesn’t really count despite the irony of Blair earning shitloads as an advisor or lobbyist to foreign dictators.

It’s only a matter of time before he gets a Nobel too.

At the age of fifty, many of my peers are thinking of retirement, but not I. I am destined to be traveling the motorways of England, Scotland and Wales for some time yet, only occasionally indulging myself in the grotesquely over-priced treats, and my own Costapacket will have to wait. However, I couldn’t help thinking “Where do war criminals go when they retire?”.

I guess Kissinger must have a portrait in the attic, although he is no oil painting in real life, but I am surprised he is still alive. If he ever does decide to retire, I think it’s pretty obvious he will call his pied-à-terre (geddit?) in Cambodia called Dunbombin’.

Obama could have an “extraordinary” retirement home in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, called Dunrenderin’.

And Tony Blair will end up somewhere in the Middle East, what’s left of it, in an English colonial-style cottage called Dunlobbyin’.


Buildaburger Conference – 30th August 2013 – Pork Pies & Artificial Colouring


It’s difficult to swallow a lot of what UK government feeds us, given the pork pies of the past. I voted for Tony Blair. There, I said it. I admit it. It’s my fault, along with a lot of other misguided soft liberals that thought New Labour was a reformed socialism rather than just another flavour of capitalist apologism hypnotised by the insane flashing eyes of Margaret Thatcher.

Tony Blair participated in the deplorable and consensual ignoring of the facts so that George Bush, that exemplar of international statesmanship, could throw a competing dictator out of one frying pan and into another oil fire. And now Blair and Bush are out there sucking flacid pink sausages with the NeoCons, earning millions on the lecture circuit of the Fletcher Memorial Home for Colonial Wasters of Life and Limb.

Here is my response, a pork pie in a British pub, with my own invention, Stalky Ringbits, as portable memento mori. For reference, cooked pork is not pink but grey, unless artificially enhanced by a dodgy dossier of artificial colouration. The only way to get to the truth is by cutting right through it and examining any evidence of chemical poisoning.

Note the English mustard. This is not that weak-as-piss yellow streak so beloved of the Obama/Cameron Hot Dog Cheerleader Oil-Stars. No, this stuff will take the roof of your fucking mouth off. It’s as strong as copper-bottomed shit.