Tag Archives: Pork pie

Buildaburger Conference 2nd March 2015 – British Pie Week – The long egg of limitless growth

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It’s British Pie Week 2015, or at least that’s what Jus-Rol want us to think. As you will be fully aware by now, I am not above jumping on the coattails of a commercial promotion in order to push my own message, so here is my first post of British Pie Week 2-8 March 2015. After my previous two failures to produce seven coherent (or even incoherent) posts for British Sausage Week 2013 and 2014, I am not going to promise a post every day, we’ll just see what comes out of the oven.
http://www.britishpieweek.co.uk/
http://www.jusrol.co.uk/default.aspx

Having just been in Sainsbury’s looking for some Indian sundries, the most obvious thing was staring me in the face from the chilled area of the deli counter. Yes, I’m sure you’ve already guessed, the pork and egg gala pie!

If you have never had one of these, you might be intrigued as to how it is made. The pies are normally made in oversized “loaves” a foot or more long. So how does every slice have a regularly-sized slice of egg, featuring both white and yolk?

The answer is the “long egg” and it’s not an egg. Well, it is egg, but it’s not an egg, it’s a reconstituted roll of egg whites and egg yolks, cooked hard and baked into a pork pie aka the “gala” pie. There is a video of the making of long eggs here.

I can’t help being reminded of the myth of limitless growth, the mantra of capitalists. The long egg is a manufactured fake, designed to fulfill an aesthetic ideology, but its genesis requires a Ponzi-esque re-imagining of reality in order to meet the requirements of it projected economy of scale.

I bought this single slice of gala pork pie (top), and in isolation, the beauty of its symmetry is undeniable, but common sense tells you that eventually, you are either going to get a narrow, yolkless end of a real egg, which might prepare you for a change in the economy, or else the sudden and unyielding bulwark of animal gelatin and pastry.

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Buildaburger Conference – 30th August 2013 – Pork Pies & Artificial Colouring

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It’s difficult to swallow a lot of what UK government feeds us, given the pork pies of the past. I voted for Tony Blair. There, I said it. I admit it. It’s my fault, along with a lot of other misguided soft liberals that thought New Labour was a reformed socialism rather than just another flavour of capitalist apologism hypnotised by the insane flashing eyes of Margaret Thatcher.

Tony Blair participated in the deplorable and consensual ignoring of the facts so that George Bush, that exemplar of international statesmanship, could throw a competing dictator out of one frying pan and into another oil fire. And now Blair and Bush are out there sucking flacid pink sausages with the NeoCons, earning millions on the lecture circuit of the Fletcher Memorial Home for Colonial Wasters of Life and Limb.

Here is my response, a pork pie in a British pub, with my own invention, Stalky Ringbits, as portable memento mori. For reference, cooked pork is not pink but grey, unless artificially enhanced by a dodgy dossier of artificial colouration. The only way to get to the truth is by cutting right through it and examining any evidence of chemical poisoning.

Note the English mustard. This is not that weak-as-piss yellow streak so beloved of the Obama/Cameron Hot Dog Cheerleader Oil-Stars. No, this stuff will take the roof of your fucking mouth off. It’s as strong as copper-bottomed shit.