Tag Archives: David Cameron

Buildaburger Conference 3rd March 2015 – British P.I.E Week – Fish Lasagne #CSA #JimmySavile


Today David Cameron announced that workers who are found to have failed to report child sexual abuse or exploitation that they are aware of, will be prosecuted with up to five years in jail. This is, of course, the recognized tactic of attack being the best for of defence, and in order to move the attention from the institutionalized sexual abuse of children by senior members of parliament and the civil service, speculative, future action is used to divert attention from historic inaction.

It was used to talk about “failing teachers” and “failing schools” instead of acknowledging the mess that uninformed career-politicians had made of the education system. It was also used to to brand “failing doctors” to cover up the underfunding and excessive workloads in NHS GP’s surgeries.

After many months of delays and two chairs being removed due to existing cosy relationships with some of the alleged and proven perpetrators, the Independent Panel Inquiry info Child Sexual Abuse now has a new chair but zero credibility.

I suppose Lynton Crosby told poor Cameron he had to do something, it didn’t matter what, just do something that looks like doing something but don’t do anything about all the somethings that have already been done.

In the 1980s, the Paedophile Information Exchange (PIE) was a legal (at the time) organization of people promoting, and campaigning for the legalization of sex with children, and it’s very unfortunate timing that David Cameron announces this new initiative in the middle of British Pie Week, prompting an obvious association.

The purpose of the misdirection is to divert away from some of those people still alive and some of them still in senior government offices, who were either complicit in illegal activities, or were active in covering it up, or simply did nothing about it.

Margaret Thatcher was big mates with Jimmy Savile and it’s hard to picture, I guess, but you don’t need to. Here is it in black and white, pictured for you.


A friend of mine (a very attractive woman friend) once met Rolf Harris and said he was a repulsive, dirty old man after only one meeting. However, colleagues of his who worked with him for twenty years or more claim that they never saw any instances of inappropriate behaviour.

John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) is recorded referencing “all kinds of seediness… that we all know about but we’re not allowed to talk about”. This recording circulated on social media a year or so ago after Savile’s death, but I recall hearing it many years before.

I think harris is just a dirty old man who abused his position of trust, and should not necessarily to be compared directly with Savile. However, it is impossible to be around people for any length of time without gathering something of their proclivities and there will be many more people who possibly didn’t have proof of wrongdoing, but would have been in a position to question the appropriateness of Savile’s presence.

David Cameron and his cabal of spin doctors, “speech writers” and advertising consultants are doing their best to divert attention forwards, onto future implied misdeeds of other people, but there are some much more searching questions that the mainstream media, at least, is continually failing to ask. And the one question I would like to ask members of parliament, trustees of hospitals, governors of prisons and the boards of care institutions is:-

Under which circumstances would it be appropriate to give a television personality, no matter how much work they have done for charity, unsupervised access to hospitals, prisons, children’s homes and mortuaries?

Within every governing body or staff of every institution where acts of sexual abuse or necrophilia have taken place, some people will have known about it.

However, after all this pontificating I must admit to being a bit of a fraud myself, and not merely because of the bad pun. As you can see from the photo, this is not a pie at all, it’s a fish lasagne, which is a kind of Italian pie (I suppose), but I beg your indulgence of my rather far-fetched contribution to day two of British PIE Week. After all, every layer gets fishier and fishier the deeper you go, no matter how much you attempt to cover it up with the pasta.


Bulidaburger Conference 5th November 2014 – The Bonfire of the Vanities

Sausages for peace.015-001

Seeing as it is British Sausage Week and includes the 5th of November, that means it is Bonfire Night in the United Kingdom. Consequently, it would be foolish to ignore the British Parliament on a day as auspicious as this, especially as the humble banger is a food traditionally eaten on this day each year.

Not hot dogs, mind you, but the dirty tricks mentioned in this post are just as British as American.

I am, of course, referring to the strange behaviour of the press in the night.

Last week, Channel 4 News reported how the British Navy will be reducing its commitment to rescuing any sea-bound Libyan “migrants” attempting to reach Italy, and how from now on the Navy is going to effectively let them drown.

Actually, these desperate people are not economic migrants hoping to come over to Britain and scrounge a life loafing existing on benefits. No, they are refugees from the anarchy left by the US’s & UK’s intervention in Libya in 2011 under the euphemistic moniker of “Operation Freedom Falcon”.

This morning, a very strange story was reported on BBC Radio 4 about three Libyan soldiers, training in the UK, have been ejected for alleged rape and sexual assault.

Maybe you asked yourself the same question I asked myself. Why are Libyan soldiers being trained in Britain?

Well, The Guardian went into a little more depth than Radio 4’s lurid sex crime story. It turns out several thousand Libyan troops are being trained in Britain (at a cost to the Libyan government) in order to train them to keep peace in their own country.

It’s a shame the cadets in question could not keep their rockets in their pockets, but much worse is worse is the willful suppression of the real story rather than the lurid details of sexual assault.

It reminds me of that old protection racket cliché (to be read in an East London accent):

“It would be a shame if your country got a bit (ahem) broken, wouldn’t it? We could arrange for some of your boys to be trained up to look after it for you. For a small fee.”

I was almost at a loss for a sausage reference for this grotesque and ongoing injustice visited upon the people of Libya aka Bongo Bongo Land, but here is a photo of two hot dogs cooking over an open fire. Fill in the metaphors for yourself.


US & UK “foreign policy”. Photo: Michelle Swift

Buildaburger Conference 27/28 August 2014 – National Stating the Bleeding Obvious Day

Screen shot 2014-08-28 at 16.34.18

Today we celebrate the annual reiteration of a fact that anyone with an ounce of common-sense has known their whole life and thinks that it is so obvious and commonly understood that it doesn’t even need acknowledging, never mind having a government report commissioned in order to document it.

National Stating the Bleeding Obvious Day 2013 was all about how poor people die younger, but National Stating the Bleeding Obvious Day 2014 is all about how UK society is élitist.

According to gov.uk “The Social Mobility and Child Poverty (SMCP) Commission monitors the progress of government and others in improving social mobility and reducing child poverty in the United Kingdom. SMCP Commission is an advisory non-departmental public body, sponsored by the Department for Education.”

Widely reported today is that this body has just published a report about the state of inequality in the UK.

The Guardian quoted a bit: “Where institutions rely on too narrow a range of people from too narrow a range of backgrounds with too narrow a range of experiences, they risk behaving in ways and focusing on issues that are of salience only to a minority but not the majority in society.”

No fucking shit, Sherlock!

The whole world knows this to be true but somehow we need to pay a group of fucking politicians to tell us. I guess it’s an example of hiding in plain view.

From The Huffington Post “The Social Mobility and Child Poverty Commission… said it was deeply concerned about the dramatically elitist society which it said its report had uncovered.”

Uncovered? It’s not even slightly covered.

Huff Post again: “those reaching the highest positions were not always doing so through merit.” Well, bless my soul! I thought that paragon of insight, Boris Johnson had told us that the bigger cornflakes would naturally rise to the top? Surely it can’t be true that mummy and daddy can buy you success?

However, here in the UK we have a double-whammy of élitism. It’s not just the toffs and the proles, but those in London and those of us outside. A few years ago, when I was ordering something from a mail order company, the North American voice on the other end of the phone asked if Rotherham was in Greater London. But it’s not just foreigners who think that there is nothing of worth outside the M25.

There was a time when government was a career pursued by statesmen, but these days the most successful are not necessarily the biggest cornflakes, but the most ambitious and amoral bigots with some inherited cash. There are exceptions of course, but many MPs choose politics as a convenient job that does not even require basic competence, and one that has a generous range of publicly paid-for perks providing expensive breakfasts, second homes and subsidised alcoholism.

Although he was particularly referring to the Scottish referendum on independence, Channel 4 News’ Jon Snow put it well in his blog post about the “the sleaze, dishonesty, and self-serving London-centric politics of Westminster”, but it’s not only the Scots that think that way.

Unfortunately I can’t remember the name, but one Tory politician advised unemployed people in the north of Britain to solve their problems by moving to London.

From the SMCP report: “Our examination of who gets the top jobs in Britain today found elitism so stark that it could be called ‘social engineering’”.

I hope Alan Milburn is simply being professionally courteous, because in a country that has much of its wealth in the hands of an aristocracy, and still supports the burden of a Royal Family of all things, we cannot really be described as anything but élitist.

Anyway, let’s take a look at that government front bench. It’s no secret that they are not my favourite people, but it might be worth considering their suitability for their jobs when you consider that David Cameron and George Osborne also went to private boarding schools before St. Paul’s (Osborne), Eton (Cameron) and Oxford. These are schools where they are separated from their parents from 7 years old until secondary school. In the UK it’s a bit like being “in care” but without the care bit.

British boarding schools are notorious for brutalising their pupils and attenuating the emotional development that everyone else takes for granted, producing the kind of conditioned sociopaths that that consider themselves an élite. This is the same élite that still doesn’t understand that the British Empire was not a good thing. And these are the very same people making decisions about our livelihoods. If they weren’t from wealthy families we would consider them deprived.

But they’re toffs. Cameron is related to the Queen and Osborne is a direct descendent of Henry III of England. Incompetent, deceitful and greedy, but well-connected. You couldn’t get more élitist if you tried. Clegg is just the fag.

And to put a lid on it, yesterday was National Burger Day, which I should have been marking more auspiciously, but the only organisations celebrating it were London-based commercial organisations. This sort of celestial alignment is proof of the existence of God. Not necessarily a loving God, but definitely one with a wicked sense of humour, and I am His vessel.

Anyway, as a kind of double-header blog post to mark the damp squib that was National London Burger Day and to mark National Stating the Bleeding Obvious Day 2014, I’m calling this excellent burger I recently had at the Wig and Pen in Sheffield, (that’s in South Yorkshire, for those of you inside London) simply “This is a burger and fries at a pub that’s not in London”.

Buildaburger Conference – 30th August 2013 – Pork Pies & Artificial Colouring


It’s difficult to swallow a lot of what UK government feeds us, given the pork pies of the past. I voted for Tony Blair. There, I said it. I admit it. It’s my fault, along with a lot of other misguided soft liberals that thought New Labour was a reformed socialism rather than just another flavour of capitalist apologism hypnotised by the insane flashing eyes of Margaret Thatcher.

Tony Blair participated in the deplorable and consensual ignoring of the facts so that George Bush, that exemplar of international statesmanship, could throw a competing dictator out of one frying pan and into another oil fire. And now Blair and Bush are out there sucking flacid pink sausages with the NeoCons, earning millions on the lecture circuit of the Fletcher Memorial Home for Colonial Wasters of Life and Limb.

Here is my response, a pork pie in a British pub, with my own invention, Stalky Ringbits, as portable memento mori. For reference, cooked pork is not pink but grey, unless artificially enhanced by a dodgy dossier of artificial colouration. The only way to get to the truth is by cutting right through it and examining any evidence of chemical poisoning.

Note the English mustard. This is not that weak-as-piss yellow streak so beloved of the Obama/Cameron Hot Dog Cheerleader Oil-Stars. No, this stuff will take the roof of your fucking mouth off. It’s as strong as copper-bottomed shit.

Buildaburger Conference – 26th August 2013 – Margaret Thatcher Day (tbc)

Camer & Obama Hot Dog

A rare insider’s view of the Bildaburger Conference 2013 at one of the recreational diversions arranged for the delegates on UK August Bank Holiday Monday.

Here you see the confusion on UK Prime Minister David Cameron’s face while he does his best to impress US President Obama by tucking into that most iconic of American foods, the hot dog. Obama, however, is showing Cameron what he really thinks of Aircraft Carrier GB, and giving Dave an estimate of how many years he thinks it is before Cameron will be betrayed by his party, as is typical of the UK Conservatives, and shoved on the scrapheap of history along with Margaret Thatcher.

“Gor blimey, guv’nor” opines Obama “at least you’ll get a decent send orff when you peg it, mistah.” he says in an attempt to repay the cultural compliment by emulating that source of all authentic British accents familiar to the lumpen, sausage-sucking proletariat of the United States, Dick Van Dyke.

Or possibly Obama’s taking the piss, and he is also aware that this particular two-fingered salute means “f*ck off” in Britain.

What’s more, if you watch a video of how hot dogs are made, or do any research about what’s in them, you will understand how that singular, chemically-dyed digit of highly processed, cellulose-encapsulated carcinogens, served in an extruded sleeve of bleachy starch, is also the hot food equivalent of giving someone the finger.

Buildaburger Conference 3rd July 2013 – The Twenty-Bob Millionaire


Much as I am a fan of the Marks and Spencer food hall, please remind me never to get a one-pound sushi box again. I have no problem with takeaway sushi and always head for M&S Food whenever possible for convenience travel food.

However, the anticipated luxury of its indulgence was tempered by the frugality of the offering, and crushed by the disappointment of such a meagre snack. It seemed to promise much but delivered nothing, and the inclusion of soy sauce could not ameliorate the lack of wasabi. Also, eating a one-pound sushi snack box on standard-class public transport gives out mixed messages.

It put me in mind of David Cameron’s Big Society, a quick-fix sound-bite of high-sounding and vaguely improving “goodness”. But it’s the kind of non-committal “healthy snack” that can be used as a crutch to satisfy a Tory’s inner moral vacuum just long enough to keep one’s pecker up on the commute back to the family seat before a decent meal of swans’ liver paté and panda’s tongues.

For the aspirational amongst you, I say it’s better to save up for a decent blowout rather than graze on empty promises. Also, if you’re going to eat sushi in public why bother with anything other than the most extravagant presentation, the most expensive ingredients and the least sustainable fish. If you want people to know how sophisticated you are, then be sophisticated. And if you’re going to be aspirational, then don’t travel standard-class and eat cheap food out of a plastic box.

The best things in life are free, but not if you like decent sushi. So, if you are going to be a cheapskate, and you still have a long journey home, you’ll need more sustenance than a few lumps of rice and seaweed. Why not go back to basics and have a pasty before the top one-percent tax it out of your price bracket.