Buildaburger Conference – 23 September 2013 – The Cheeseburger Pizza

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Photo: mirror.co.uk

Honestly, I thought this was a joke when I first saw it online. I love this and hate it simultaneously. My inner being tells me that it would be bad for me, and probably very disappointing, but its sheer novelty means I still want to try it. What’s more, it was obviously made for a round table conference.

Most conferences I work on provide the usual bleached twin triangles of “bread” with a smear of organically-derived protein approximation inbetween, slightly ameliorated with a few leaves of salad and some sliced fruit. But at what kind of discussion would this culinary safety hazard be appropriate?

I wonder if this is what David Cameron and the blood-sucking lizards of the Illuminati tuck into on the long, occluded evenings at the Bilderberg meetings? If you’re going to get up to no good, you might as well have some dirty food as well.

Anyway, here is an idea for you. We should put eleven of our cabinet ministers in a room with a ten-portion cheeseburger pizza and let the dirty, lying, cheating bastards of the UK Conservative Party fight it out. Pizza Hut bill it as a “fun, sharing pizza” but we know what Tories think about sharing.

I’d also like to see Cameron, Gove, Osborne, Hague, Alexander, Clarke, Lansley, Shapps, Hunt, Grayling and Duncan Smith attempt to split the bill. Best not let Osborne, Shapps or Duncan Smith work it out, they all belong in a remedial arithmetic class, and Gove and Clarke are not the kind of people you would want to turn your back on if your wallet was on the table. You would never be able to get a straight answer out of Hague, and Cameron would just keep trying to pin the tab on the others claiming that cheating them was “good for the economy, good for Britain”.

That doesn’t leave much, but best not let Jeremy Hunt work it out, he always seems like he would get lost in his own toilet.

Cleggie can fetch the cola.

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