Buildaburger Conference Away Day Tramlines Weekend Day 1 – 20th July 2013

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What a crushing disappointment day one turned out to be.

This year, the conference away day weekend is at Tramlines Free Music Festival. At least it used to be free, in the days before “austerity”. However, my disappointment is not in the staggering achievement of the UK Festival Awards’ “Best Metropolitan Festival 2012” or the excellent organisation and venues around the city, but in this conference’s namesake burger, served at the Sheffield City Hall. The City Hall is a great venue and its staff excellent, but someone needs to have a talking to about the food.

How ironic that the succulent treat that I remembered from last year, and was looking forward to for the entire day, turned out to be just another empty promise, something we are growing used to in David Cameron’s progressively “Broken Britain”. Whereas last year there was a choice of breads, burgers and accompaniments, this year the choice of buns was plain or sesame, and the choice of burgers plain or seasoned. Hardly a choice and hardly an opportunity to “build a burger”.

The “bread” should have been more accurately described as “sesame emulsified starch”, and the patty, whilst generous, was not freshly cooked and barely lukewarm, never mind hot enough to melt the cheese. Rather like a sprinkling of suitably warped statistics, my attempt at spicing it up with a generous amount of jalapenos and raw onion could not ameliorate my disappointment, particularly when examined in a dispassionate critical gaze, somewhat reminiscent of the UK Statistics Authority (UKSA). My own benefits were capped such that I immediately went looking for more food. Or I would have if I hadn’t just blown all my wonga on an expensive mistake.

I’m calling this on the Iain Duncan-Smith Willful Misrepresentation Belief Burger. No matter how much I wanted to believe that I was enjoying the burger, at least my mouth is one that is not “economical with the truth”.

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