In response to a number of friends who have expressed their concern for my cardiological health, given the parade of apparently high fat meals that I have featured so far, I feel I must provide a metaphorical amelioration. Rest assured, I do not intend to shuffle off this mortal coil any sooner than would be natural for my demographic.
For example, here is my dinner from last night. Please note the scale of the cutlery, giving away the fact that this was served on a side plate, not a dinner plate. A scratch meal of salad and leftovers often does not normally give me enough material which which to beat my betters. Beer-battered fish, garbage burgers and curly fries are much better comedy foils than any green salad. However, I am not too proud to take a leaf out of the book of many of our MPs whose high living at the cost of the British taxpayer will not doubt will enable them to beat me to the grave. Please do not feel cheated by the the willful deception, but in order to achieve the effect I want I am simply being economical with the truth.